Governor's Debate: Almost Live Reaction

(Note: the debate took place at 4:00 p.m. and was broadcast at 7:00 p.m.)

Anne: I can’t believe we’re going to watch this.

Michael: At least it’ll be better than Interchange. Joel McNally doesn’t even bother to sit up for the show anymore. He just kind of slouches there. Can I have some chips? No, the corn chips. Thanks.

Anne: I wonder what they’re going to wear? My money is on navy or charcoal suits, red ties and white or light blue shirts.

Anne: I wish Green came out wearing that Freddie Mercury open chest jumpsuit we saw on YouTube the other day. And then Doyle came out wearing like a potato sack.

Michael: Oh look, it’s at Discovery World. You know what that means – lots of kids.

Anne: You know what they should do? For safety? Arm everyone. Candidates, audience, moderators…everyone. Just hand out guns at the door.

Anne: Whoa, it’s John Labbs from the Wisconsin Broadcaster’s Association. Whoever that is. What’s up with the glasses, dude?

Michael: Did he steal them from Annie Lennox?

Anne: What the hell are they sitting behind? It looks like my parent’s stereo cabinet circa 1979.

Anne: Oooh, look, I win the outfit bet! Except for Doyle’s tie.

Michael: So, for the questioners, we’ve got your metrosexual, Terry Sater…

Anne: I pictured Joy with longer, flowing hair

Michael: Look, Doyle’s staff must have waxed his head.

Anne: I hope Doyle remembers to thank Green tonight. Oh good, he did. Good job, Diamond Jim.

Anne: Why is that water pitcher right there? Hey, I bet if he poured that water on his head it would bead right up.

Michael: Doyle’s opening statement. Oh God, here we go with the JFK stories.

Michael: I hope Green remembers to thank his third grade teacher and second-cousin, twice-removed.

Anne: In school we called Green’s hairstyle a “hospital haircut”

Michael: He looks like a Q-Tip.

Michael: Green’s getting craggier every day. Time for some Botox.

Anne: The lighting in there makes everyone look jaundiced or like they spent a little too much time with the tanning bottle.

Michael: Settle down, Terry Sater.

Anne: He’s a young go-getter.

Michael: He’s reading emails for his questions? So, he’s just basically calling this in.

Anne: Good, Doyle’s going after the 527s. And he gets the first stem-cell and abortion strikes.

Anne: Ok, what is that backdrop? A fragmented flag? An American mosaic?

Michael: Doyle needs a better tie.

Michael: Note to self: Mrs. Doyle not a good shot.

Michael: So Green took that kid who turned in the Green Bay plotters out to lunch? That must have been tedious. What did Green feed him?

Anne: I’m guessing Red Lobster. It’s very popular.

Anne: So violence isn’t the right response to our problems, huh? What about the fucking death penalty, Mark Green? What about fucking torture, Mark Green?

Michael: What the hell is this question about? Wildlife regulations? You’ve lost me.

Anne: Ok, that was a fairly awesome response from Green. It IS a lot to answer in a minute and a half. I don’t even understand the question.

Michael: I still have no idea what they are talking about. Fish protection? Is this about camping?

Anne: This lighting is absolutely terrible. People are going to think Doyle got yellow fever in the Peace Corps.

Michael: Will someone PLEASE move that water pitcher out of Doyle’s frame?

Michael: The metrosexual is asking the requisite Milwaukee Sucks question. Taxes, crime, bad schools. What can the state do about poor ol’ Milwaukee?

Anne: Pot of money? Ok, Jim, some folks already think you’re a tax and spend Democrat, so I might recommend a different term than pot o’ money, ok?

Michael: Is there a Leprechaun?

Anne: “We” had 28 shootings in Milwaukee? Has Green ever been in Milwaukee except for carefully orchestrated stops on the campaign trail?

Michael: “America’s Mayor????” Giuliani is America’s Mayor now? When was that election? I don’t think I voted.

Michael: So Green doesn’t need money to fix crime? Is he going to put on a pair of tights and a cape and fight the drug dealers himself? That’s all the budget dollars he needs…tights and a cape?

Michael: Oh no!!!!! The Kevin Barrett question!

Anne: Excellent!

Michael: Green went to Eau Claire? That’s an easy A school.

Anne: Stop yelling at me, Mark Green. Why did he start yelling at the camera? Is he gonna go SpottedHorse2 on our ass?

Anne: Green needs some of Doyle’s water. He sounds kinda thirsty.

Michael: Doyle had a great answer to the Kevin Barrett question, but no one agrees with him except those who work for the UW system.

Anne: Good, keep pairing Green with Bush.

Michael: Jesus, does THIS guy have to ask about abortion? He looks like a mafia hit man.

Anne: Doyle sounds very sincere. Ok, parental consent is not a reasonable measure, but I guess it’s all relative.

Michael: So under Green tuition is going to be lowered? Really? UW tuition will be lower if Green is governor?

Anne: ARRRGGGGG. I can’t stand listening to this knob talk about abortion. Oh yeah, it’s those loose women, using abortion as a safety net. And I knew he’d bring up so-called “Partial Birth Abortion”.

Michael: Ok, Green, we get it. You can’t do much in a minute and a half. Do you think he spent a minute and a half with that kid in Green Bay?

Michael: Both of them look exhausted.

Anne: He’s going to make sure money for education goes to everywhere but the school districts. The “Outstanding Achievement Center for Excellent Student Achievers Who Want to Achieve Excellence Academy” and “Little Lambs of God Science Immersion School” are going to be happy to hear about this.

Michael: We all know that Green will not spend a nickel more on public education. Might have to increase taxes.

Anne: Smackdown! Doyle’s really hit his stride.

Michael: Back to Annie Lennox here.

Michael: Really, you can’t touch Doyle on the budget issue. And he’s got the budget question figured out from the last debate.

Anne: They can’t decide where to look or who to address when they answer. Green is creeping me out with this direct-stare-into-the-camera approach. Stop yelling at me!

Anne: Oh God, he’s bringing up Lambeau Field again. That’s code for – “help me, I’m drowning!”

Anne: Please stop trying to sound folksy, Mark Green. You just sound like an idiot.

Michael: Hackworth, he’s a wild man – he’ll ask anything. No budget questions here. Abortions, stem cells, he’s all up in your face!

Michael: Green’s thinking, “Thank you for this stem cell question I really, really don’t want to answer.”

Anne: Human cloning? Doyle really wants to clone humans? VERY interesting.

Anne: Green looks all wide-eyed, like he’s talking about some sort of magical fairy land. Oh right, his stem cell program is a pretend magical fairy land.

Michael: Didn’t we have this exact same question about retirees before?

Anne: Yep, and you’ve heard this response from Doyle before too.

Anne: Green needs to stop telling people that he’s not their candidate. Not a good approach for someone behind in the polls.

Michael: Ah, Green’s finally got the TABOR question down. Good job, Green staff.

Michael: That’s right. We won’t need any additional spending with my super-hero, magical fairy land plan for Wisconsin. I’ll fight crime with my super powers, I’ll teach every student, I’ll nurse every retiree, I’ll single-handedly cure all chronic illnesses…and without evil human cloning. My parents will be your doctors, and they’ll handle the stem-cell research. And we won’t even need any stem cells to do our stem cell research.

Anne: Shut up, I can’t hear.

Michael: Doyle has an excellent answer – Green was the deciding vote to not allow the government to negotiate drug prices with the pharmaceutical companies. He was the only member of Wisconsin’s congressional delegation to vote against re-importing drugs from Canada.

Anne: Green’s not going to like this 30 second rule. That’s like, one-third of a minute and a half.

Both: Yay!!!!! Death Penalty!!!!!!!!!

Michael: The wild man came through!

Michael: Doyle nailed the answer. Didn’t waver, sounded tough.

Anne: Oh, suddenly Green’s got all kinds of time.

Michael: But he’s only got a minute and a half for his closing statement. That’s gonna be tight for him.

Anne: Doyle’s kinda fumbling this close. Ok, he recovered.

Michael: Would it kill him to smile a little more when he talks?

Michael: What’s Green going to say? The families I met LOVE it that their kids have diabetes?

Anne: God, did he really say that “leaders look for answers” thing? Barf.

Anne: Really? Doyle has a sign that says “Keep Passing the Buck?” I wonder were he got it?

Michael: Maybe that’s how Green thinks the death penalty should be carried out- throwing stones.

Michael: Annie Lennox is back.

Anne: Wild man Scott Hackworth is leaning over like he’s going to ask Joy back to his room at the airport Hilton.

Michael: Yes, public discourse is very important. That’s why we don’t include those crazy Green Party guys.

Anne: Yes, yes, it’s very important. Yay democracy!

Michael: Whoo-hoo!